i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
