FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
