He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
