stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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