She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
