I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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