I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
