i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
