sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
