My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The air was thick with penises
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
