I think I died a long time ago.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
