ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
