Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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