i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
