I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize