seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
