my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you didnt know i had herpes?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
