With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
