i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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