Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
soo... how was my night?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
