So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize