The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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