please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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