airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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