So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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