i wish my penis had a tongue
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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