I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
