I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
