Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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