Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
