david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
