I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
