am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
