i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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