YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
