I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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