dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
