Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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