Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
