I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
