I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
