Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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