then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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