if you like me you must not know who I am
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
