I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
