I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She bit a glass in half.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
