I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
