if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
