She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
