You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize