I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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