Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
