it hurts more in the daytime
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
