I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
