There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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