you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
