Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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