Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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