who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
