Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
