That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
