the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
