I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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