You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
