i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
