I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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