Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
