When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
