There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
