My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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