Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
