afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
