im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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