i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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