i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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