She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
