trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I die, sorry about rent.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
