living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
