She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
