I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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