Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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