PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
