i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize