Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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