The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize