Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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