he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize