So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
