Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
