On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I party with great urgency now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
